Friendship - a free stitchery....

Friendships do not come easy for me.

I'm a very private person, an introvert who enjoys being alone and having lots of quiet times to centre my thoughts and ponder what really matters in my life.

I don't intentionally stand apart from being social, it's just who I am, and after years of being told that's a bad thing I've come to realise it's a gift, and for me it's 'just right'.

Being amongst a large group can be fun for a little while, but after a few hours I feel myself emptying out rapidly, and craving the soothing space of home with the quiet it offers.

As I've been pondering this over the last year or two, I came to realise that having lots of 'friends' is not something that was common in days gone by. Close friends could be numbered on your fingers, and acquaintances would be the greater number. 

But today the word 'friend' doesn't have that same vital significance as it once did. 

Jesus calls us to 'lay down our lives' for a friend - I wonder at the 400 'friends' my child may have on Facebook and ask myself, "Would that child child lay down their life for every one of those 400 friends?"...No.

True friendships must be nurtured; they need time. Time to build trust, time to dig deep, time to listen - really listen, time to share and be heard, evidence that both your hearts are cheering for the best in the other one's life. 

True friendship takes no offence because whether encouragement or confessing a hurt by or to the other, you know it is founded in love and respect and care, with a desire to be honest and compassionate. 

True friendships forgive.

True friendships lift each other, and never push someone into the ditch.

True friendships are not jealous.

True friendships seek to prosper the spirit of the other person.

True friendships take time to build, and even more time to tend so they bloom and grow over many years - even a lifetime.

At this stage of my life I am content that I have very few 'friends', but admit that at times I have pushed the times of tending those friendships aside because my family comes first and they have needed me (or I have needed them). But, it has been in those very times that I discovered the depth of my true friendships.

You see, in the times when I have nothing left to give them, it is they who give to me...

True friends hold you up.

True friends never expect more than you have to give.

I can count my true friends on my fingers. And they can 'count' on me.

I think the key that unlocked true-friendship-making for me was accepting that if I was stretched already in giving out of myself to the few friends I had, then I could not in good conscience seek out more friendships I'd be unable to invest myself into - no matter what anybody else (or magazine articles) had to say about it.

That truth was life changing. Now I don't feel guilty about the relationships I've allowed to slide into the 'acquaintance' file of my heart. I prayed for those lovely ladies when our relationship ties drifted, and I asked God to bless them with their own handful of true, invested friendships.

Don't be hard on yourself if you've been battling to juggle all your 'friendships' and found yourself failing dismally. Just sit back and pray. Pray for wisdom to know the difference between a friend you would lay down your life for, and an acquaintance you wish well. Then invest in the friendships, and pray blessings on the acquaintances.

Not all friendships are for life. Some are for seasons. 

That's ok. That's by His design. 

Go with that flow, and invest in the ones that fill your life today. Be the best friend you can be, and choose the friends that make you a better person. 

If you suddenly find your own self slipping from friend to acquaintance, don't be offended. Don't be sad. Rejoice that your friend is doing what is best in her heart, mind, and life. Be glad that she is letting go and making the decision to invest in a few friends wisely rather than sink in feelings of failure at not being 'all to all' with everyone.

If you'd like to stitch my new 'Friendship' design you can download it free HERE. May you be blessed as you stitch it. All glory to God! \o/

I chose the NAS Bible translation for the stitchery verse as I think the phrase 'torn apart' is apt for today with so many social media sites and the overwhelming busyness of life being a catalyst for tearing apart relationships - but I love the full NKJ translation below too.

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

The Value of a Friend

Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.

Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

hugs

 jenny