After a few years of striving to eliminate debt before buckling down to save a good deposit for our first home, the drive we had to push harder, work harder, give more, and put money aside for future security did not alter.
In late September we moved in to that home, we still have no debt other than our mortgage, and there is nothing urgent on the horizon. Yet until a few days ago this compulsion to save, to feel financially secure, to be extra generous and to work harder for the future was still with us.
Earlier this month the Holy Spirit had begun nudging me into particular passages of Scripture and in my prayer time I sensed changes afoot in the area of finances so I shared this with my husband and together we prayed about it and sought the Lord for more understanding.
Well, every day for the next week a particular aspect on how to manage our finances came to mind until when we considered doing otherwise a heaviness fell on our spirit. So we agreed to trust God and pull back a bit, again waiting on His direction to become clearer.
Now you know, Blossom and I have a saying we use a lot - "God is in the details" - and this morning as my man and I discussed further revelation the Lord had made clear for us we kinda wondered if we could have some confirmation from Him, after all, this change of financial direction we were being asked to allow God to make in our lives was very different from what we've had for the past four or five years.
We sat outside with our coffee and turned on the radio to listen to a Christian program we have supported for a long time. And you'll never guess what the topic was? Finances.
Never before has this ministry had a sermon on finances so believe me when I say our ears pricked as the teaching began!
In fact the sermon was about being content with what we have right now, putting our trust in God to provide our needs tomorrow and not putting faith in our bank account or other assets.
It touched on the need to pour our lives into relationship with Christ above all else and not allowing the desire for financial security to drive us, cause us anxiety, lure us to work harder than we need, or be a temptation to climb the career ladder because this is us building security in our own strength apart from the Lord. This is us putting confidence in our bank account, our position, our own talents and what we believe we need to be happy and secure.
Afterwards Mr E and I sat and pondered just how much God loves us that He would expand and confirm with us through a radio sermon everything He had been gradually placing on our hearts this month. I was able to acknowledged how years ago when my husband was at university and we had small children that I homeschooled, the very tiny budget I had to work with each fortnight never caused me anxiety. I trusted God with my whole heart and would be excited to see how He would provide each week during those four years of my husband's teaching degree...never did I fear, never did I see us begging bread, never were we in lack. We had what we needed and felt incredibly blessed.
It wasn't until the children left home, I was designing and Mr E was teaching, that a subconscious element of 'we can provide for our needs/wants' slowly took hold, and it was insidious because if you asked us who our provider was we would instantly answer GOD. We really did not notice the big shift in our attitude, so slow was it to manifest and take root. We worked harder and were able to give more, again outwardly we would say it was God providing for the recipient, but there was also a sense of personal satisfaction too.
I sit here today and marvel that we did not see all this along the way, but I marvel more at our Father God who gently took hold of us and revealed in His mercy how our faith in Him had become mixed with our faith in self.
I am humbled to be loved so much that He never leaves me where I am but at the right time molds and shapes me to be more like Christ and less like worldly Jenny. Knowing who I am inside, only God can take on such a big challenge, but boy I'm glad He's doing it.
Warts and all...that's His mission for me.
"Tell them your life, warts and all, so as you grow and change they can see what I am doing and that nothing is too hard for Me if only they will let Me in."
God bless you wonderful human, and remember, God is in the details. Every one.