Planting and reaping...

I have to say, being out house hunting each weekend for the last month has left me falling behind in the every day responsibilities of homemaking. Fortunately my beloved does not mind, he's more concerned with whether or not I'm looking after myself. 

Last Sunday night after a particularly full two days of open house inspections, meetings with a builder and looking far and wide for suitable land we might decide to build on, he announced we were going to relax with a nice sunset meal overlooking the ocean....and I did not protest. 

Continuing to live a healthy grain, dairy and refined sugar free diet meant we needed to scan the menu very carefully for suitable choices (though Mr E still has grains sometimes) but there were some good options. Not realising just how hungry I was, a plate of chicken, avocado and macadamia salad was devoured rather swiftly, and Mr E certainly made quick work of the steak, chips and salad on his plate too. 

It was a lovely end to a big weekend and once again I was reminded just how cherished I am by my husband. As I drifted off to sleep later that night this scripture came to mind...

"He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully." (2 Corinthians 9:6)

Or as most of us have heard at some point in life, you reap what you sow. 

My husband treats me with love and respect because that's how I treat him. He is honest with me because I am honest with him. He cares about my health because I care about his. He sits and listens to me because I listen to him (though as a woman I talk way more than him so he really does go the extra mile with that). He is generous with me because I am generous with him.

We both sow goodness into each other's lives and that's exactly what we reap in return.

But it wasn't always that way. 

I came into our marriage 'damaged' emotionally and wanted to be the boss, to have control of everything, to feel empowered and strong...but I did not consider how this would affect my gentle man. 

Not one to argue, he let me walk all over our marriage, graciously and patiently allowing me the time I needed (many years in fact) to feel secure in our relationship and to rest in his genuine love for me and lifelong commitment to me.

Then one day I had an epiphany and everything changed. The seeds of love and kindness and patience and compassion he had been planting into our marriage began to bloom, and bloom abundantly. My eyes were opened and all I wanted to do was let this precious man lead us because I knew I could trust him with my whole life, for my whole life.

Fortunately our dear Blossom was still young at the time so teaching her to be a woman of grace and kindness, respectful and loving towards her daddy, was the example I decided to show day by day - not with fanfare or falsehood, but with a genuinely full and giving heart. 

Blossom is 24 tomorrow and this week we have talked often about her growing up years.

There have been many joyful memories, sad ones too, but there's also been words of life and encouragement shared between us.

She opened up about the deep respect she has for me as a wife, for how I cling to Jesus no matter what, and she shared how this has been the model for her own relational choices in how she treats Ross. Blossom admitted she is still a work in progress but notices big changes when she chooses to walk in love and plant seeds of goodness.

My dear daughter knows of my past failings because I was very transparent with her about them during long conversations from her mid teens to early adulthood, and indeed she knows of the failings I am still working towards overcoming right now. But what resonates with her is the willingness in my heart to grow from my mistakes and take responsibility for them, my repentance and swiftness in running to Jesus, and my humanity in repeating the same mistake a few times before finally getting it right.

I'm an imperfect woman who is still learning to refine her attitudes to reflect the goodness I so deeply desire to have as a wife, and my dear daughter has no illusions about my struggles because I do not hide them.

How much easier it is to instruct our children when we are honest about our struggles. Doing this we level the playing field by acknowledging we are imperfect, sinners one and all, each one a product of this broken world yet saved by the blood of Jesus. 

Every relationship seed that is planted must be nourished and watered, tended lovingly, and generously given time to grow. My husband did that for me. 

The harvest from his faithfulness came to fruition many years after our wedding, and that harvest brought forth a sowing of new seeds in my own life.

Now that crop is being harvested in my daughter's life and she will take seeds from it to sow into her own family, seeds which one day her two daughters will hopefully harvest.

Blossom used to say. "I want to grow up and be a mummy like you" and I would tell her, "Grow up and be a better mummy than me. Take from my life what is good and use it; take what was not good and let that go." Like sifting the chaff from the wheat.

She's going to teach that same lesson to Cully May and Rafaella too.

Sowing and reaping, the cycle of life.

hugs

Love Never Fails (free pattern)...

LOVE.

It's a wonderful thing.

It can be a crazy thing too.

When I married Mr E our love was new and passionate and exciting and scary. 

We had some very similar life experiences behind us, and we had life experiences so different we weren't even sure how we'd made it to the altar.

But LOVE got us there...

...and over the 26 years he has stood beside me as a caring and devoted husband it was LOVE that kept us bound in matrimony.

Was it easy?

Hardly ever.

Was it worth the challenges, the differences, the disappointments?

Yes.

LOVE is no longer what it was that day we committed our lives to each other before God, family and friends. LOVE today is something we value far more highly, it is deeply embedded in our motivation, responses and prayer for each other. It is a daily choice, a moment by moment grace and gift.

Our LOVE is no longer built on emotion, but on a solid foundation of many years standing together, shoulder to shoulder, facing triumph and tragedy, opposition and allies.

Our LOVE is a God-gifted grace.

My husband is not a Valentines Day kind of guy. 

In fact, he thinks it's dumb.

My man believes every day is an opportunity to show the LOVE of a husband by how he honours and respects and cares for me.

Now friends, it's not easy loving me day in and day out. I am so far from perfection that the Lord is always, every moment, filing down my sharp corners and softening the hard places in my heart. 

Yet my husband still loves me, despite my rough edges and imperfect nature, in fact he loves me more today that yesterday and way more than when we shared that first kiss as man and wife at the altar in 1991.

But you know the thing that blesses me the most?

How much I learn about LOVE, commitment, and staying the course despite many storms, from his example.

He's not perfect either.

And that's okay.

He taught me how to hang in there with an imperfect spouse, so the least I can do is show him the same honour and respect and LOVE he shows me. 

You might like to stitch this free design for Valentine's Day, or maybe you just want to stitch it as a daily reminder of just how precious LOVE is and why that makes it something worth fighting for.

I fight for our LOVE with these weapons...

kindness

patience

encouragement

humility

truth

hope

respect

generosity

Sometimes I forget one or two or three, but it's not long before I notice my neglect and take them up again. 

This little "LOVE Never Fails" hooped embroidery now hangs above my desk as a daily reminder that a loving marriage, a marriage which stands the test of time, is maintained by a deeper kind of LOVE than what I first thought all those years ago.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Download the pattern here.

Maybe every marriage needs a reminder. Maybe not.

But it can't hurt.

Bless you heaps,

Lifting all marriages...

I felt this week that it was important to close one year and open another with a prayer for marriage, so I shared this in our Gentle Domesticity group the other day, just as Mr E and I were celebrating our 26th anniversary. 

Father God,

I thank you for Your gift of marriage. I thank you that within marriage two become one by Your perfect design. This day dear Lord I pray for every marriage in our group of gentle ladies, that Your hand of blessing and honour and favour be upon each one. I pray where the soil of some hearts have become parched that You would shower upon them a rain of refreshment and renewed love. I pray for the marriages which may have become strained or where a spouse is experiencing loneliness, that Your words would speak truth and life over them and Your victorious right hand would guide them closer that they may once again journey a loving path together.

Fill each marriage with a new blessing and give a fresh vision and goal from Your Word to carry them through the year ahead, to strengthen them as a three-stranded cord with You as the centre.

Bless this group and all who have hearts longing for a gentler domestic life. Guide our ways to honour You, our husbands and our homes in our everyday walk through life, that we may be like shining lights to those who are struggling in the darkness of anxiety and chaos and too-high expectations on themselves or from others.

‘Gentle” our hearts, soften them where they are too harsh and strengthen them where they are weak and weary.  Bring balance to our emotions and set our thoughts on what is most needful, kind and uplifting.

May the glory of the Lord encamp around each home represented here in this group and fill them with rest, refreshment, kindness, hope, healing, love and gentleness.

In Jesus most holy and powerful name I pray this,

Amen.

Our marriage has traversed many stormy seasons.

We've walked through times of joy, despair, miscommunication, celebration, grief, poverty, success, humility, forgiveness, grace and so much more.

But like the disciples distressed and anxious as their boat flailed in that dreadful storm, Jesus came to save us. Whilst we were in the midst of those storms, He was walking right through them, showing us we need never fear, that He will always be there when we call.

Jesus is also there in the seasons of rejoicing, though sadly we do not draw as close to Him when we're not troubled...and that is something I'm working on this coming year. Drawing closer to my Lord every day, wind or rain, trial or triumph, in sickness and in health. 

So I'm praying for your marriage today, and this prayer will be printed in my journal for next year so I can pray it often. I hope you will pray it to. 

Download the prayer here.

 

hugs

Marriage...

I've heard women say that they've lost a part of who they once were over the course of their marriage, and I used to think that about myself too. 

Spurred on by increasing social agreement on this matter I would lament for the adventurous, carefree girl I was in my teens and early twenties, and accepted that motherhood and marriage had taken that from me. 

But I was wrong.

Becoming one half of a couple always involves change, even when you promise each other it won't happen.

There's no plan to make yourself more like your husband, or to make him more like you. It simply happens over time, as you draw closer to each other. We expand our heart and lives to include more of the one we love.

So we don't really lose who we once were, we become more than we used to be.

If our lives were a garden you could say we deepen our roots, scatter seed, bloom more profusely and spread our branches. We increase in who we are, having more to give, more to learn and more to be grateful for.

Also like a garden, marriage has seasons. Some seasons are dry and require more time and nurturing than others, but then spring arrives and you reap the fruit of your loving and faithful perseverance.

My husband came home the other night with a bouquet of flowers for me. It's not something he does as a matter of course so it deeply touched my heart and I felt very precious indeed. 

He knows I love flowers and that every few weeks I'll fill a vase with pretty blooms purchased for myself...yet though it's not something he sees as essential, he's expanded who he is through the union of our marriage so that what matters to me, over time, becomes important to him.

That's why marriage changes us.

It grows us to include the best of each other. 

Rather marvelous really.

Have a blessed day,

Trust...

Because of the hype, emotion, hope, expectation and expense associated with a 'dream' wedding these days, I often wonder about the bride and groom's long term plans - will they put as much attention and care into their marriage?

Many years ago Proverbs 31:11-12 became my goal as a wife, the compass I decided to use in order to maintain a right course through the journey of my own marriage.

It's wise to remember that marriage is not a wedding, just as a house is not a mortgage payment. It's one small part of something much bigger and grander, something far more challenging and yet astonishingly wonderful. When I look back on the day Mr E and I exchanged our vows the thing which stands out most is the commitment he made to me, standing at the altar before God, and the evidence today of his decision to live it out this last quarter century. In fact his commitment today is far greater than it was then.

Every day I thank God for my husband. Every day I feel unworthy of his faithful, joyful and forgiving love. Every day I look in the mirror and try to see past my aging smile into the blue eyes he wakes to each morning and wonder if they reflect the depth of love and respect and honour I have for him?

I know what I see when I look into his eyes.

Evidence that he loves Jesus. 

And because of that love there is boundless respect, delight, love, trust, commitment and care given to me.

We didn't have a big wedding, in fact I made my dress and our church family all brought a plate for the wedding meal. A friend from university had his brother bake our cake, another friend took the photos, and I borrowed the shoes, veil, gloves and bouquet. 

It was a simple event, a wondrous and happy event, a day we cherished. Promises were made and given before God, and people we loved were there to witness and celebrate our union, but we didn't fully appreciate that the wedding was nothing like the marriage would be.

Marriage is a page by page story you write from the heart, moment by moment decisions and choices that will build the union stronger or tear it apart until only shreds remain.

We didn't easily get to where we are in our relationship today. Many times over these past 25 years we've been pulling in opposite directions, not walking in our God given roles, seeking to be the one who was right and to have our own way. There are many tears, sorrows, losses and grief scattered along the highways and byways of this marriage, BUT...we stayed committed. 

We chose to forgive. 

We sought Jesus to show us a better way, and I read Proverbs 31:11-12 and took it to heart.

 Honestly, the teaching in those Scriptures changed me for the better more than anything else.

I love my man, and therefore I want his heart to safely trust me!

I want him to have no lack of gain.

I want to do him good and not evil all the days of my life. 

So I take one day at a time and praise God for the opportunity to be that wife, knowing there are days I'll fail and days I'll soar. The most important thing is that I keep this close to my heart and do my utmost to live it out. 

All glory to God,